Model, Words and Images: Jasmine Alleva
photography by Vo Photography
read all Chapters
A man confronted me at the gym the other day: “why are you always on your phone?” Usually I would ignore any inquiry about my gym antics, especially while I have headphones in, but he struck a nerve. Why am I always on my phone? Why, on this stationary bike with sweat dribbling down my chin, am I on my phone? The answer is the same reason as to why I’m at the gym in the first place: I’m working. I’m working and this is my job.
My thumbs click from the constant scrolling, double tapping, and tagging on social media. I am trying to make connections in a world that is so heavily reliant on the internet while trying to make waves in an industry that is so heavily influenced by what goes on through phone screens. Maybe this isn’t what I signed up for, but it’s how the game is played. It never ends. There is no break. When you agree to this career, you agree to this lifestyle and you better invest in an unlimited data plan.
I work from the second I wake up in the morning until the second I close my tired eyes sometime around 3 the next morning. Though asinine, I have to consider all things: how much sleep I’m getting, what I’m putting into my body, how people are perceiving me, where my next market is, and so much more. I never shut down and neither does my phone. Even if I have no shoots or bookings, I am working endlessly – and most of the time, this work goes completely unpaid. As you can imagine, this is very exhausting, but its what I want.
If I don’t tread carefully, I can get lost. Often I feel overwhelmed and discouraged by the type of persona I am supposed to portray online. Authenticity is what saves me.
If I don’t tread carefully, I can get lost. Often I feel overwhelmed and discouraged by the type of persona I am supposed to portray online. Authenticity is what saves me. Being unapologetically and authentically myself is what saves me from pulling out my hair and throwing in the towel.
This is important in almost every facet of life. If we lose ourselves, there is no point in our work; it becomes meaningless. Staying true to yourself and working hard, though difficult, is incredibly important to both your dignity and peace of mind.
This has been a trying past few months. At times, like always, I want to quit. I have to look back to the beginning and focus on how far I have come and trust that I will go even further. I am wearing out and slowing down, but I still wake up with the same hopeful anticipation that something wonderful is about to happen. One day, the hard work will pay off. Until then, catch me at the gym, riding a stationery bike while scrolling through my cell phone.
