Joshua Brennan better known as Oshi, a London origin but L.A based musician that not only impresses us with an absolute rad sound and the sort of coolness that one can only attain through the natural born way but makes himself even more likable through an unmade-up openness about himself. An artist revealing his soul through music and words.
Interview and Images by Lauren Engel
Oshi, you were born in North London – right?
I was, indeed. I left England a couple of times to go to Ireland but I was there for 17 years. I have two brothers and one sister and they’re reckless as hell. They get that from me. Let me give you a quick description of my siblings: There’s Zach whose one of the twins. He’s literally the biggest dare devil ever. He jumps off of shit. He bust his head open when he was two years old doing a back flip off of a bunk bed. I broke both of my legs trying to do fucking parkour. Trying is the main word there. I was never that good at it.
What were you like as a kid growing up?
Pretty much the same as I am now. Just less vulgar I think. Actually no, that’s a lie. I am the same.
Where do you think you got your energy from?
I would definitely say my mom. It’s genetic. The fuckery is genetic. My mom was wild. I’m wild. My brothers are wild. My fucking sister’s wild. Everyone’s wild. I’m blaming my mom.
So were you always close to your mom?
Oh yeah definitely. I grew up without my dad. It was just me and my mom and my siblings. Me and my mom are best friends. I miss her. It’s rare because I don’t usually see people who are as close with their mom as I am, that makes me feel good about it. I was always secretive about stuff that I was going through up until a few years ago because keeping it in is just not a good thing to do. My mom would always know. She has that mum instinct like Josh, I know there’s something going on but I want you to tell me. I would be like no mom, not going to tell you but she would always definitely get it out of me in the end. Best friend, in the entire world.
” I definitely want to be remembered for my music. But deeper than music I just want to be remembered for being who I was as a person.”
What were you into growing up before music?
I think it was just always music. Ok no, I was into anything creative. I used to draw a lot, I used to write a lot. I used to act a lot as well. I have this YouTube channel. Acting is something I definitely I want to do.
What career was/is your mom in?
Honestly, I have no fucking idea whatsoever. She’s into being a mom. That’s her industry.
You moved schools a lot growing up right?
Let’s get real dark and deep. I had a lot of family issues going on when I was a kid. I had to move house to house to get away from most of those issues. I ended up in a refugee hostel a few times. Just getting away from a bunch of shit that was negatively impacting everybody in my family. It was pretty shitty thinking about it now. I mean thinking about it all the time it’s pretty shitty. We had to move a lot because we had to get away from things following us from place to place. As a kid you don’t really understand so it was like yo we’re moving to a new house and I’m going to a new school this is crazy and then when you get older and you look back at it you’re like “oh damn”. The actual reason why we were moving is pretty intense.
“Anybody out there who is going through some shit and they feel like they can’t talk to anybody or have anybody to go to. There’s definitely somebody out there to talk to you or whatever you are going through.”
Does that change your perception of things now?
Definitely. It’s made me realize that a lot of the things I’m experiencing now are because of those things in my past. A lot of the reason why I make music is because of those reasons as well. I feel more grateful and thankful whether they’re small or big. I understand the impact that any situation can have on a person.
When you were going through those things in life did you feel like you had someone to talk to other than your mom?
Nobody. I always just kept it to myself. Which in hindsight was… I mean, I wouldn’t change it because I wouldn’t be in the position that I am now. Anybody out there who is going through some shit and they feel like they can’t talk to anybody or have anybody to go to. I’m not going to say oh I am here to talk to you because responding is hard for me but you are definitely not alone in what you are feeling. There’s definitely somebody out there to talk to you or whatever you are going through.
Your mom was listening to drum and bass when you were growing up, right?
Of the top of my mind, I have to say there’s Omni Trio, Alex Reece, Goldie.
“Music, music, I love making music, hi music.”
You started making music when you were eleven right? Who showed you producing in general first?
It was an Inspector Gadget remix. I say this all the time then I say that I say that all the time. I saw that it was made on FO studio and I was Yo, I have to make an Inspector Gadget drum and bass remix. Just to impress my mom. It started from there. I made a few shitty drum and bass tracks. It literally opened up so many doors for me like I realized I could make anything I wanted if I could hear it in my head. Music, music, I love making music, hi music.
How did you know it was something you wanted to devote all your teenage years and career into it?
Because it was the only thing that would make me happy at the time. It was before I was able to express how I was feeling in words. I just found that music helped me cope with some of the things I was going through. Music helped me process some of the emotions I was dealing with. It helped everything to be easier.
Was your mom always supportive of your music?
No, she was supportive in the sense that she wouldn’t tell me not to make music. But she didn’t see the potential in what music could do for me. She was like: ah you have to go to school, you have to get a job you have to do this or that. I never ever ever believed that and that caused a bit of a riff between me and my mom. We argued all the time and I was unemployed out of school, didn’t have any grades because I dropped out because of another bunch of reasons and another bunch of shit that just made it impossible to deal with school on a day to day basis. It got to the point where we didn’t speak at all. Halfway through 16 and going into 17 was when my mom started to turn around and actually see that my music was doing something for me.
Was it a particular song that made her rethink it?
It was definitely one song. It was Stwo. I remixed Eden and I won the competition. She was like wow this is fucking amazing, this is fucking sick. I was like Yo mom I won this competition in music and she literally broke down in tears and since that day she’s just been my biggest fan ever. It was very emotional to me. I think I cried to.
“How I feel is how the music sounds that’s made. It just comes out different when you’re feeling a certain way.”
Was she scared that you were starting music at a young age?
No honestly up until recently we had no clue on any type of industry shit. Or any type of business behind music. I was just so focused on making the music and ignoring everything else outside of that. The thing we worried about most was uh Josh, making music and putting it out on the internet isn’t going to pay for rent, isn’t going to pay for food. I think that was the main issue my mom had on me making music. Not making any type of money. Just supporting myself in any type of way. Was a big no no up until the remix. After the remix everything changed.
You always wanted to move to the US right? Or LA?
Not initially. I went to New York right after I turned 17. A bit of backstory, once I dropped out of school I kind of lost all of my friends. I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I was very low and in my room. That’s when I made the music that started to pop off. Through that music I met a lot of people on the internet. I made a lot of friends on the internet through my music. When I went to America I met some of those friends and at that point I realized I want be in America and hang around these people all the time because they’re some of the people that genuinely get me and care about me. After that New York trip I was like I have to go to LA and see what they’re saying. I went to LA a few months after that and I fell in love with it. Literally, like it was the most amazing experience I’ve ever had.
Do you think it has changed the music you’ve made?
Definitely. Because as an artist you’re always growing and changing and experimenting. I feel like a lot of experience I’ve had during being out here and during the time I was at home have shaped the way that I feel and how I feel and how I feel is how the music sounds that’s made, if that makes sense. It just comes out different when you’re feeling a certain way.
How did you start Film Noir?
Ok so Film Noir happened when me, Krs and BNJMN started talking. Like yo we want to create a collective. That was back in 1972, nah I have no idea. I think it was 2015. I’m not sure. That was actually before I visited America for the first time. That happened because we had to create a platform for the people we fucked with. Soundcloud was the platform but we wanted to create a separate platform on Soundcloud. Krs had the idea for the name and BNJMN was Krs’ friend. Pretty much it was just us three giving the people some shine.
What is your vision for that?
Lately I haven’t even been focused on it I’m not going to lie. Just because I’ve been focusing on myself. It’s hard to balance putting people before you and prioritizing yourself because those two just don’t go together. You have to focus on yourself more than on other people. If you really want to help other people, you have to better yourself first.
“You have to focus on yourself more than on other people. If you really want to help other people, you have to better yourself first.”
Do you still do your rap alter ego NO$TRIL?
Of course. I just haven’t released anything. NO$TRIL may be a thing of the past. I’ve just realized now that I don’t have to create an alter ego to rap or to sing.
What was the idea behind separating NO$TRIL and Oshi?
Back then it was just cause I was very insecure of me rapping and putting my voice on things. I didn’t want people to know it’s me but then I also wanted people to know it’s me. It was a very difficult situation. I was nervous about rapping but I knew I had some type of skills so I wanted to show people. Now that I’ve gotten better and progressed much further than I anticipated I want to put it out under Oshi.
“Back then it was just cause I was very insecure of me rapping and putting my voice on things. I didn’t want people to know it’s me but then I also wanted people to know it’s me. I was nervous about rapping but I knew I had some type of skills so I wanted to show people.”
How did you think of the name Oshi?
I lied to so many people and said it was a family shrine name that passed down through generations. If we’re going to get technical it actually came from what my Grandmum and Mom used to call me as a baby. They used to call me Oshi Washi WU Wu.
Have you always been so open on social media like with your anxiety and depression?
At first no – I was very nervous about what I posted and what I said on the internet. I was like damn I don’t want people to think I am fucking weird or to see that I am fucked up. As I progressed and as I’ve learnt more about myself it’s like damn you don’t really have to hide anything from anybody cause all that does is cause problems like when somebody thinks you’re something else. So I just decided I just want to be real and be me no matter what.
Was there a pivoting moment where you wanted to show more of yourself?
No I think it was more of a gradual thing. It was just me building up the confidence that I will be who I am unapologetically. There are so many people in the world with anxiety and depression on a day to day basis and don’t do anything about it and just suffer in silence. Literally if I say something and somebody can relate to it, I’m like oh damn I’m not alone in this fucking shithole that is mental health fucking problems you know. As long as I can do something, I mean I can do so much more and I want to do so much more but it’s just about being in that position to do more. I have to build up myself so I have a bigger platform to talk about all of that stuff. It’s very important to me.
“I’ve learnt that you don’t really have to hide anything from anybody cause all that does is cause problems like when somebody thinks you’re something else. So I just decided I just want to be real and be me no matter what.”
Have you always had anxiety and depression?
Now I would say yes but a year ago I would say no. I would say before I was cool. Like I said hindsight is a very very important thing to have because looking back I’m like damn you’re experiencing what you’re experiencing now and you just didn’t know what it was called back then and you didn’t know what it was. I’ve definitely been going through it for as long I can remember.
How are you able to deal with it?
Music at first. I won’t lie and say that I am dealing with it perfectly right now because I’m not, I could be doing so much more to make myself better. It’s gradual steps and you have to realize that you can’t change things overnight and it may take months or years but as long as you are going in that direction then you will be fine. That’s what helped me cope with it on a day to day basis, knowing if I am trying and want to get better, I can get better.
“That’s me realizing that a lot of stuff that people base their happiness on is materialistic. It’s fleeting happiness.”
One of the recent tweets you have – I can’t remember exactly – was that you have everything in your life right now but you are still not happy. Can you elaborate on it?
Of course yes. That’s me realizing that a lot of stuff that people base their happiness on is materialistic. It’s fleeting happiness. I’m reading this book right now that I highly recommend. It’s called “Waking up” by Sam Harris. It basically just says that humans like us live from moment to moment. What that means is that we look for happiness in small things that we do and once we are bored of that or it makes us less happy we try and find another thing and another thing then another thing. And that’s why I say I have everything in the world. Somebody who feels happiness through materialistic things. Genuine happiness is a lot more than materialistic things around you. That’s why I say I am sad, because I’m not feeling any type of happiness through …mh, I don’t want to keep saying materialism but any of the things I have in my life. They’re not giving me happiness because I’m just trying to find that next moment where I am happy when in reality all I have to do is sit down and fucking… I don’t know it’s still very confusing for me. That’s what I mean by that, I hope I explained it well. I really do. I hope I don’t sound like a fucking dingus.
What do you want to be remembered for?
I have no idea. As corny as it sounds I just want to be remembered for being me. I just want to be remembered as oh damn, Oshi. I remember that guy, he’s him. I definitely want to be remembered for my music. But deeper than music I just want to be remembered for being who I was as a person.
www.facebook.com/oshimakesmusic
soundcloud.com/oshi
