You spend more than half of your day with people; it can be the girl that makes you a coffee at your local coffee shop or the guy that drives the bus. You exchange a few words but then each one goes on with their days, lives, and feelings.
And sometimes I am thinking: Are we avoiding to make real connections or are we just too afraid to do so? Before it was just named shyness but today doctors call it social anxiety.
Why are we so afraid of connecting to people? Because you don’t want to bother anyone? Or we think we are better off alone? No way, nobody thinks that for real but somehow everybody acts like that (or if they think that they don’t really feel that way).
There has to be an answer in our collective unconscious or simply inside ourselves. Maybe it can be that we observed older people to be lonely and we learn from them, we learn that people are not good, and it’s so hard now to learn again the right way.
Every time I talk to people I’m thinking if they feel bored, annoyed or whatever negative feeling I imagine. Then I realize maybe they are thinking the same, and we could make things much easier just talking about it. So many times I want to walk over to a girl and just say: I like you, I wish we can talk and get to know each other… But something inside is always sending negative vibes to my brain and I start thinking it wouldn’t be appropriate.
Maybe I should learn not to think that much about it and just act, and maybe start to think more properly when the action is over or maybe just let it go and realize that nothing wrong can happen. There are so many tools now to “connect” with people, but really is that always a connection or just some meaningless exchange?
With social media we can be virtually connected to thousands of people every day, however I never feel I’m really connecting …
Real connections come without words, just through the eyes or a smile, because inside we are all living the same experience, we are in a world where connection is complicated… but we need it, we can’t survived without it. So we all look for it and when we find someone that can see you for one second we just become more human, more conscious of our feelings and our loneliness.
I’m sure a lot of people never feel alone, always talking and exchanging with others but with no real connection. I rather spend my day by myself but knowing that the one person that I connected with is right there with me in that moment, thinking of me. I also want to be left alone sometimes, to be by myself but in an honest and true way. Not in a lonely way.
I believe our ability to make real connections is well hidden behind our social masks and roles; to choose to let go of them and be vulnerable for this feeling is what makes us alive and not just existing.
Someday I’ll stop thinking so much about what the other person is feeling and let that instinct just take over me so my mind can stop and my true desires can take action. Until then I’ll wait patiently but without fear. I’m sure I’m not the only who wants real and brave connections.
Words by Rodrigo Urriolagoitia – rodri_urriolagoitia
Photo by kevin laminto on Unsplash
