Kim Hertogs photographed by Wouter Struyf for Issue 36
words by Sigrun
Maybe to write about happiness is so stock already, that no one will read those lines. But maybe this is the perfect time now to write about something hopeful, something to calm down in the turbulent times we live in. Perhaps now more than ever, at least in the lifetime that I experienced, we are looking for this little sanctuary, a bubble to feel safe, where we wake up with a hearty smile on our lips. With a warm and pleasant feeling of happiness in our stomach. With the primal belief of a child that everything will work out just fine. And maybe the question of happiness always leads to the essence of each human life and hence where we want to be heading for as humankind.
I try to remember when was the last time that I felt happy. In fact, I might experience a bit of it now. A peaceful moment on my own, where I have time to let my thoughts wander. Reflecting on things and thoughts, not necessarily just on my own, but in general – this moment when you are just observing what happens around you without getting involved too much. When you feel yourself, without taking yourself too importantly but neither minor. When you realize what is important and what you believe in, without thinking that you own the truth to everything. And being aware that no one else does, even if they tell you. Because being jailed by dogmen certainly doesn’t make one really happy and self-determined actions and the physical and mental freedom are a big part of happiness for me. Happiness to me can also be described as those moments when for an instant you feel timeless, like the seeds of your past have grown together with your anticipation and hopes for the future, and at the same time you consciously realize the beauty of that very moment you are in.
Maybe the biggest problem with happiness is the timing. Sometimes as time goes by we wish ourselves back into a happy moment of our lives, that in fact at that time we didn´t even experience with this complete happiness feeling, but soaked with distracting thoughts and doubts. And as we gain more experience, we know that if we could live this moment again, we would fully understand and appreciate its beauty now. Just think of how many times we wish ourselves back into our carefree childhood days. But they only appear carefree with the wisdom of being older. Understanding or experiencing real happiness at the precise moment and not just in our memories, sometimes appears like an impossible mission.
There are countless moments and clever descriptions of happiness, according to different values in different times and observed from various perspectives, which in turn are influenced by different starting points. We all have our own little universe inside that makes one or the other thing more of a value to us and therefore creates our bliss. But considering that the world is not really always the fairest place, one could also think that happiness is just like a game of roulette, that cannot consciously be attained but only when you are lucky enough, will drop into your lap and while some accumulate an aweful lot of chips others leave the casino empty-handed.
And then there is also the question of, how can we feel really happy with the knowledge that someone else is suffering in that very moment in which we could embrace the whole world due to our own happiness? And how can we find the balance between appreciating what we have, without being distracted that around each corner there might be another option promising more happiness, but on the other side not making the mistake of stopping our search with the risk of settling for the phony felicity?
I lean out of the window and look over the fairytale-like skyline. The sky turns into soft blue and pink shades while the sun fights for its last rays that shine queenlike across the horizon. She will lose this fight, and I am overhelmed by the spectacle and astonished by the fact that something that takes place every evening can still be so fascinating. Beauty never gets boring or stock. And neither does our search or our questions for happiness. We can just never fully grasp or answer all about its existence. And in each of this happy and beautiful moments a light melancholy resonates for that we have to let it go again. I breath in every second of the setting sun, while the pastell play of colours in the dawning sky reaches its peak and after a last gasp of it, suddenly vanishes in front of my eyes.
Issue 36 of C-Heads explores happiness. Happiness is what keeps us humans going. What helps us forget the hardships. It distracts us from the tragedy and finiteness of life. Happiness is like the drug that keeps us alive.
