Photography by Dimitri Rowe aka Monsieur Mitri

“The more I step into my authentic self, the easier it is becoming for me to uphold my boundaries, but sometimes it’s still incredibly hard, and sometimes I still forget myself and give away my power. But I keep trying to come back to the commitment I’ve made to myself.” After around two years we catch up with singer Ayelle again to talk about her beautiful new song “Girlfriend”, that is about learning to set boundaries in relationships and redefining what it means to be a girlfriend. She also opens us about having to strip away a lot of old belief systems and re-examine her place in the world and in the music industry and about the creating a life that’s unique to her own inner world.

Hey dear Ayelle, last time we spoke to you was more than 2 years ago and you were based in New York. Where are you currently based and do you feel at home there?

Hi there, lovely to catch up again. (smiles) At the moment I’m actually not based anywhere (laughs), I’m travelling and currently I’m in Guatemala. I already love it here, the nature is breathtaking and the people are so warm and kind. Haven’t really been here long enough to feel at home though!

In a comment on Instagram, when talking about a book you read, (The Midnight Library by Matt Haig) you mentioned that it, …”really cut to the core of a lot of things I’ve been learning about myself and the world these past few years.” Can you tell us what have you learned about yourself and the world?

I’ve had to strip away a lot of old belief systems and re-examine my place in the world and in the music industry. I realised that to a certain extent I was trying to live a life that was expected of me and to pursue goals that are considered standards of success in this industry in order to feel like I was good enough or working hard enough. However, we are all our own individuals with varying likes and dislikes, passions and dreams, and we have the option to create a life that’s unique to our own inner world instead of reaching for what we’ve been told we should want or what we “need to do” in order to get there. I’m trying to get better at listening to my intuition and letting it guide me even when things seem uncertain, rather than trying to force the narrative, and creating a life that is in alignment with my soul – even if it looks crazy to everyone else.

“We are all our own individuals with varying likes and dislikes, passions and dreams, and we have the option to create a life that’s unique to our own inner world…”

Let´s talk about your new song “Girlfriend”. I like how the sound and lyrics reassure. It´s about learning to set boundaries in relationships and redefining what it means to be a girlfriend. I am also someone who finds it hard to set boundaries – say no to people. What advice would you have for me on how to learn it best?

Thank you! I wish there was a quick answer and solution to this, but honestly I think it’s more of a commitment – a commitment to yourself to explore how you can cultivate more self love and try your best to uphold your own values, standards, dreams, freedom, path or anything else that has a direct impact on your life. Sometimes it’s going to be extremely hard to keep that commitment, and your old conditioning will take you down wrong turns and uncomfortable moments, but if you keep returning back to that commitment and asking yourself what step is available to you at this very moment to try and bring yourself back on track, and just start with that one step, I think that eventually we can build that habit.
The more I step into my authentic self, the easier it is becoming for me to uphold my boundaries, but sometimes it’s still incredibly hard, and sometimes I still forget myself and give away my power. But I keep trying to come back to the commitment I’ve made to myself.

How would you define what it means to be a girlfriend in your eyes? Like what do you consider a good relationship?

I don’t know if I have a good definition to be honest because I think it’s an individual thing, how one defines that and what someone looks for in a partner. But for me, a good relationship is one based on mutual respect, admiration, freedom and support.

You also talk about toxic behaviors in modern dating – can you name them and why do you think so many people accept them?

There are so many haha! But a few that I bring up in the song are jealousy, controlling behaviours (telling someone what to wear), violations of privacy (like checking someone’s phone) or expecting a partner to self sacrifice to accommodate your own needs.

“For me, a good relationship is one based on mutual respect, admiration, freedom and support.”

And do you think that we change course again as a society to make things like love less superficial and more profound again? I feel it´s pretty hard also due to the fact that we are all pretty dictated by the internet and social media and that after so many years of use it has changed many people.

I certainly hope so. I think the more we wake up to our own authenticity as human beings, the more that will be reflected in our relationships.

Yes, I definitely agree that social media has had a huge impact and continues to fuel a sense of over-productivity. But there are also positive movements happening thanks to social media and a growing focus on mental health and people being more transparent and using their platforms to encourage positive changes, so hopefully we will see more of that kind of content and learn to tune out the rest of the noise.

Self love will be a big topic in your upcoming works. Can you reveal a bit more what we can look forward to? And what is one of the biggest aspects when it comes to self-love?

My upcoming project, shadowselfluv, is a huge personal inventory of my shadow aspects (fears, toxic traits, repeating patterns etc) and how they’ve surfaced in the past years, but it has also been a space of huge transformation and self acceptance of certain parts of myself that I would’ve rather kept hidden – but bringing it out into the light has allowed me to move through them and understand myself better. I think that one of the most important aspects of self love is understanding the duality that we possess and treating all parts of ourselves with compassion, even what we’d like to change.

“I think that one of the most important aspects of self love is understanding the duality that we possess and treating all parts of ourselves with compassion, even what we’d like to change.”

What book are you currently reading?

Home Going by Yaa Gyasi! It’s brilliant.

What is your happy place – where you feel most relaxed, where you are able to recharge and be yourself?

Immersed in water, preferably floating! Or somewhere in a cozy nook reading a really good book.

Anyhing else you want to share with us?

Not that I can think of right now! It’s been great chatting to you, thanks for the interesting questions! Until next time!

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